I noticed a HUGE flaw in the decision making process discussed below.
I jumped out of a plane last weekend from 10,500 feet!
It was THE MOST LIBERATING, and amazing experience of my life, and I would highly recommend it to anyone. Provided you are of good health, and you do it tandem with an expert of course!
However, let's look at the "what's the worse thing that could happen?" principle.
Eeerrm, well, let's see. Okay, yes, that's right. The worse that could happen when you jump out of a plane from 10,500 feet, is that the parachute doesn't open and you end up - eeerrrmm - dead?
In this particular case I simply ignored the possible worse case scenario, despite the disclaimer I had to sign before hand, which stated that skydiving could cause death. I just assumed that there was very little chance of the worse thing that could happen, actually happening. AND, when I think about it - that's what I do most of the time. I subconsciously way up the odds of the worse thing that could happen, actually happening. If the odds are low - then yeeehaaa - away we go! Don't worry about it!
I guess that's perhaps a little dangerous? But it does mean that you worry far less, and you enjoy far more!
Saturday 20 October 2007
Friday 19 October 2007
What's the worse thing that could happen?
Having watched the video in the last post, I was pondering on the possibility of using the very same principle for other decisions you may need to make.
Whenever I've considered doing something that involves some element of fear, I've always asked the question, "If I go for it, what is the worse thing that could happen?"
Let's look at that in more detail.
The scenarios I'm referring to are those of a "shall I, or shan't I" nature. Should I stay or should I go? Should I jump, or should I not? Should I take a risk, or should I not?
If we look at a worse case and best case for each of the choices, quite often it's so much easier to make the decision.
Let's look at a career decision for example:
Should I leave the job I'm in? Or should I stay and go for the promotion?
It may be, that when you apply the worse case and best case scenarios, you come up with the following statements:
1. If I leave my job, the best thing that could happen is that I find another job which brings me far more fulfillment than my existing job.
2. If I leave my job, the worse thing that could happen is that I can't possibly find another job of any description whatsoever.
3. If I stay in this job, the best thing that could happen is that I get a promotion and receive more money, and more responsibility.
4. If I stay in my job, the worse thing that could happen is that nothing changes at all.
Now obviously your decision will be guided by your motive for asking the question in the first place. If for example you are asking the question because you can no longer stand working in a job that no longer fulfills you; then the possibility of statement 1, would be very appealing - against the risk of statement 2.
You may also realise that even if the best thing that could happen if you stayed in the job - did happen - then you still wouldn't be happy!
You can then look at the risk of leaving, to see if you can reduce it at all, and you may find for example that you can make a statement such as:
"I will be able to find work of some description. I got this job didn't I? Even if I have to clean toilets for a little while, I'll be able to do something to bring some money in."
If you are then satisfied that you could live with that particular worse case scenario, and you're happy that it's worth the risk... Then - you have a decision. You quit your job and go! The chances are that the worse thing that could happen - won't happen anyway - but at least you made the decision that you were happy to gamble with that potential outcome.
Whenever I've considered doing something that involves some element of fear, I've always asked the question, "If I go for it, what is the worse thing that could happen?"
Let's look at that in more detail.
The scenarios I'm referring to are those of a "shall I, or shan't I" nature. Should I stay or should I go? Should I jump, or should I not? Should I take a risk, or should I not?
If we look at a worse case and best case for each of the choices, quite often it's so much easier to make the decision.
Let's look at a career decision for example:
Should I leave the job I'm in? Or should I stay and go for the promotion?
It may be, that when you apply the worse case and best case scenarios, you come up with the following statements:
1. If I leave my job, the best thing that could happen is that I find another job which brings me far more fulfillment than my existing job.
2. If I leave my job, the worse thing that could happen is that I can't possibly find another job of any description whatsoever.
3. If I stay in this job, the best thing that could happen is that I get a promotion and receive more money, and more responsibility.
4. If I stay in my job, the worse thing that could happen is that nothing changes at all.
Now obviously your decision will be guided by your motive for asking the question in the first place. If for example you are asking the question because you can no longer stand working in a job that no longer fulfills you; then the possibility of statement 1, would be very appealing - against the risk of statement 2.
You may also realise that even if the best thing that could happen if you stayed in the job - did happen - then you still wouldn't be happy!
You can then look at the risk of leaving, to see if you can reduce it at all, and you may find for example that you can make a statement such as:
"I will be able to find work of some description. I got this job didn't I? Even if I have to clean toilets for a little while, I'll be able to do something to bring some money in."
If you are then satisfied that you could live with that particular worse case scenario, and you're happy that it's worth the risk... Then - you have a decision. You quit your job and go! The chances are that the worse thing that could happen - won't happen anyway - but at least you made the decision that you were happy to gamble with that potential outcome.
Wednesday 17 October 2007
Saturday 13 October 2007
Beating yourself up with words
To start this chapter off, I have a confession to make. There's one word that many of us use time and time again, for which I have developed a passionate dislike...
Throughout a large part of my life I have battled with depression and mental "ill health". But with the help of a wonderful psychotherapist, and extremely supportive friends and family, I am thankfully in a completely different place emotionally these days. It has been a long journey, and I'm sure I have still further to travel, however there are many tips and techniques that I have developed in order to lead a happy and fulfilled life, and turn my "emotional blues" into a puddle on the ground, which I can jump in with my wellies on and laugh at!
One major step on my journey, which helped me to leap un unbelievable distance towards the doorway out of depression, was the raised awareness to the power of my own words and the impact they were having on my own mental wellbeing. I used one word in particular on a frequent basis, completely oblivious to the fact that by using this word I was continuously beating myself up, and limiting my own growth. That word, which I now detest so much, and question everytime I hear it cropping up is "should".
There were so many scenarios in which I would say to myself "you should do this" or "you should do that" or "you should feel like this" or "you should feel like that". By continuously using the word should in these scenarios I was forever punishing myself like a naughty little girl, and asking the question "why don't I do this?", "why don't I feel like that?", "What's wrong me!", "I'm no good!" etc etc .... get the picture?
Now, I often come across people who are suffering from the "should syndrome"... Are you one of them? I challenge you to take the "should challenge". Each time you hear yourself using the word "should" on yourself or towards anyone else, stop, and ask yourself "Where does this should come from?". "Who exactly said that I should do this, or feel this way?". "What do they know about what I should do or feel?"...
Then - and this is the great part - ask yourself "What do I want to do?" or "How do I want to feel?". In many cases you will likely discover - that if you simply replace the word "should" with the word "want" - it casts a whole new light on the subject and fuels you with the determination and motivation you need. After all, we'd all much rather do the things we want to do, than do the things we think we should do!
One example:
You're having difficulty coping with a particular experience which has left you feeling down. You may find yourself saying "I should be stronger!". All that will really do is make you feel completely pooh, by making you feel as though don't live up to expectations - be it your expectations or those of other people.
Turn that expression around slightly though - and say "I want to be stronger" - and hey presto - you may feel motivated to gather some strength from somewhere within yourself, and feel empowered to be the strong person you want to be.
If you have any "should" experiences to contribute - then I'd love to hear from you. But only if you want to of course :-)
Throughout a large part of my life I have battled with depression and mental "ill health". But with the help of a wonderful psychotherapist, and extremely supportive friends and family, I am thankfully in a completely different place emotionally these days. It has been a long journey, and I'm sure I have still further to travel, however there are many tips and techniques that I have developed in order to lead a happy and fulfilled life, and turn my "emotional blues" into a puddle on the ground, which I can jump in with my wellies on and laugh at!
One major step on my journey, which helped me to leap un unbelievable distance towards the doorway out of depression, was the raised awareness to the power of my own words and the impact they were having on my own mental wellbeing. I used one word in particular on a frequent basis, completely oblivious to the fact that by using this word I was continuously beating myself up, and limiting my own growth. That word, which I now detest so much, and question everytime I hear it cropping up is "should".
There were so many scenarios in which I would say to myself "you should do this" or "you should do that" or "you should feel like this" or "you should feel like that". By continuously using the word should in these scenarios I was forever punishing myself like a naughty little girl, and asking the question "why don't I do this?", "why don't I feel like that?", "What's wrong me!", "I'm no good!" etc etc .... get the picture?
Now, I often come across people who are suffering from the "should syndrome"... Are you one of them? I challenge you to take the "should challenge". Each time you hear yourself using the word "should" on yourself or towards anyone else, stop, and ask yourself "Where does this should come from?". "Who exactly said that I should do this, or feel this way?". "What do they know about what I should do or feel?"...
Then - and this is the great part - ask yourself "What do I want to do?" or "How do I want to feel?". In many cases you will likely discover - that if you simply replace the word "should" with the word "want" - it casts a whole new light on the subject and fuels you with the determination and motivation you need. After all, we'd all much rather do the things we want to do, than do the things we think we should do!
One example:
You're having difficulty coping with a particular experience which has left you feeling down. You may find yourself saying "I should be stronger!". All that will really do is make you feel completely pooh, by making you feel as though don't live up to expectations - be it your expectations or those of other people.
Turn that expression around slightly though - and say "I want to be stronger" - and hey presto - you may feel motivated to gather some strength from somewhere within yourself, and feel empowered to be the strong person you want to be.
If you have any "should" experiences to contribute - then I'd love to hear from you. But only if you want to of course :-)
Moving Towards Balance
This year I discovered Yoga! I'm sure I'm not alone. Yoga has been trickling through the homes and streets of western society like a glorious liquid gold released from its melting pot, for many years now.
I bought a fantastic book which takes you through an eight week yoga home study course, and it is just magic! It is written by Rodney Yee and ladies, girls or gay men - you have to buy this book, if not just to admire this beautiful specimen of the male species! That's not to say that heterosexual men wouldn't enjoy yoga by the way. My other half is into it as much as me, and I'm sure Rodney is not gay either...
Aside from Rodney's luring looks and physique the name of the book made the purchase a complete must for me. It's called "Moving Towards Balance".
This eight week yoga home study course, methodically breaks the multitude of yoga postures into different elements, which culminate to developing a balanced body, mind and soul.
Given my life mantra “It’s all about balance”, I guess you ought to be able to imagine just how excited I was by the title and description of this book! So - I bought it, and there started my sometimes ceremonious, sometimes sporadic, and sometimes forgotten and non existent - journey into Yoga!
Click on the link below for more information on the book...
I bought a fantastic book which takes you through an eight week yoga home study course, and it is just magic! It is written by Rodney Yee and ladies, girls or gay men - you have to buy this book, if not just to admire this beautiful specimen of the male species! That's not to say that heterosexual men wouldn't enjoy yoga by the way. My other half is into it as much as me, and I'm sure Rodney is not gay either...
Aside from Rodney's luring looks and physique the name of the book made the purchase a complete must for me. It's called "Moving Towards Balance".
This eight week yoga home study course, methodically breaks the multitude of yoga postures into different elements, which culminate to developing a balanced body, mind and soul.
Given my life mantra “It’s all about balance”, I guess you ought to be able to imagine just how excited I was by the title and description of this book! So - I bought it, and there started my sometimes ceremonious, sometimes sporadic, and sometimes forgotten and non existent - journey into Yoga!
Click on the link below for more information on the book...
It's all about balance!
When I was in my early twenties, myself and a good friend were having a debate about some thing or an other. I can't actually remember what it was about at all now.. but thankfully that's irrelevant. The important thing is; after debating who was right and who was wrong we reached a point where we both agreed that neither of us were right, or in fact both of us were right. After expressing our own views, AND understanding the other's view we reached a point when we both chanted simultaneously "It's all about balance!".
Since that day, we have found a zillion and one circumstances which prompted us to repeat the mantra "It's all about balance". The situations vary from; too much work or not enough, too much socialising or being a hermit, through to areas such as mood swings, emotions, love and a balanced diet. We basically came to the conclusion - that everything is about balance! Finding balance has become our life long goal. With balance we believe comes contentment and happiness.
Is that a revelation? Probably not! It's not a far cry from the old saying "everything in moderation" that my parents' generation, grandparents' generation, and no doubt the generation before that have been telling us.. BUT - my friend and I were and still are - very excited by our life mantra!
Since that day, we have found a zillion and one circumstances which prompted us to repeat the mantra "It's all about balance". The situations vary from; too much work or not enough, too much socialising or being a hermit, through to areas such as mood swings, emotions, love and a balanced diet. We basically came to the conclusion - that everything is about balance! Finding balance has become our life long goal. With balance we believe comes contentment and happiness.
Is that a revelation? Probably not! It's not a far cry from the old saying "everything in moderation" that my parents' generation, grandparents' generation, and no doubt the generation before that have been telling us.. BUT - my friend and I were and still are - very excited by our life mantra!
Monday 8 October 2007
What if we all had big boobs?
I was inspired to write this post after watching Louis Theroux - Under the knife on TV last night.
Louis was in California interviewing plastic surgeons and their patients - who were going under the knife for larger breasts, different shaped noses, less fat, more muscle, higher eyebrows or a completely different face and body.
My other half was watching the programme with me, and very quickly we entered into a discussion about big boobs! I was thrown into a state of turmoil when he commented on how a woman with big, perk, boobs was something all men dream of!!! As I looked down at my less well endowed chest with pouted lips and a scrunched up sulky face - he sooned realised he had said the wrong thing!!!
In an eager attempt to dig himself out of the hole he had accidently landed himself in, he explained that he doesn't understand why it is that men fantasise about big boobs, but the fact is they do. Of course, he completely loves and appreciates me and my body etc etc...
It occurred to me, that actually, he is probably right! It is true that many men value other qualities within in a woman, and indeed some men like the smaller more sporty type boobs... but whatever it is in a woman that a man really truly appreciates and loves, the minute he sees a woman with big, pert, boobs - he cannot help but look at them goggle eyed. It's almost as if they have some kind of hypnotic power!!!
Considering the power they seem to bring over men, it's no wonder then that many women want big boobs and are prepared to go to quite extreme lengths to get them.
But how fulfilling can this be in the long term? And I feel sad for these women. Do they not feel that they have any other redeeming qualities? What must it do to a person's inner soul to live with the knowledge that they had to go and pay for something big and fake in order to gain the confidence and approval they were looking for?
I don't understand how it can improve someone's confidence. To me it seems a little like cheating in an exam, and then saying you are confident in the subject just because you have the certificate. The fact that you know nothing about the subject doesn't come into it...
We live in a consumer society, and people today are used to going out and buying whatever they want, under the illusion that it will make them happy. It's worrying that this behaviour has extended to body parts, and that potentially plastic surgery could become as normal, as buying the latest plasma screen TV.
What's more - I cannot see how this can possibly lead to true happiness. Life is NOT perfect, and nor are our bodies. Accepting imperfections and understanding that imperfect is in fact how things should be, and that imperfect is in fact beautiful - is a major key to happiness and contentment, isn't it?
Louis was in California interviewing plastic surgeons and their patients - who were going under the knife for larger breasts, different shaped noses, less fat, more muscle, higher eyebrows or a completely different face and body.
My other half was watching the programme with me, and very quickly we entered into a discussion about big boobs! I was thrown into a state of turmoil when he commented on how a woman with big, perk, boobs was something all men dream of!!! As I looked down at my less well endowed chest with pouted lips and a scrunched up sulky face - he sooned realised he had said the wrong thing!!!
In an eager attempt to dig himself out of the hole he had accidently landed himself in, he explained that he doesn't understand why it is that men fantasise about big boobs, but the fact is they do. Of course, he completely loves and appreciates me and my body etc etc...
It occurred to me, that actually, he is probably right! It is true that many men value other qualities within in a woman, and indeed some men like the smaller more sporty type boobs... but whatever it is in a woman that a man really truly appreciates and loves, the minute he sees a woman with big, pert, boobs - he cannot help but look at them goggle eyed. It's almost as if they have some kind of hypnotic power!!!
Considering the power they seem to bring over men, it's no wonder then that many women want big boobs and are prepared to go to quite extreme lengths to get them.
But how fulfilling can this be in the long term? And I feel sad for these women. Do they not feel that they have any other redeeming qualities? What must it do to a person's inner soul to live with the knowledge that they had to go and pay for something big and fake in order to gain the confidence and approval they were looking for?
I don't understand how it can improve someone's confidence. To me it seems a little like cheating in an exam, and then saying you are confident in the subject just because you have the certificate. The fact that you know nothing about the subject doesn't come into it...
We live in a consumer society, and people today are used to going out and buying whatever they want, under the illusion that it will make them happy. It's worrying that this behaviour has extended to body parts, and that potentially plastic surgery could become as normal, as buying the latest plasma screen TV.
What's more - I cannot see how this can possibly lead to true happiness. Life is NOT perfect, and nor are our bodies. Accepting imperfections and understanding that imperfect is in fact how things should be, and that imperfect is in fact beautiful - is a major key to happiness and contentment, isn't it?
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