Is the risk part of the fun?

I noticed a HUGE flaw in the decision making process discussed below.

I jumped out of a plane last weekend from 10,500 feet!

It was THE MOST LIBERATING, and amazing experience of my life, and I would highly recommend it to anyone. Provided you are of good health, and you do it tandem with an expert of course!

However, let's look at the "what's the worse thing that could happen?" principle.

Eeerrm, well, let's see. Okay, yes, that's right. The worse that could happen when you jump out of a plane from 10,500 feet, is that the parachute doesn't open and you end up - eeerrrmm - dead?

In this particular case I simply ignored the possible worse case scenario, despite the disclaimer I had to sign before hand, which stated that skydiving could cause death. I just assumed that there was very little chance of the worse thing that could happen, actually happening. AND, when I think about it - that's what I do most of the time. I subconsciously way up the odds of the worse thing that could happen, actually happening. If the odds are low - then yeeehaaa - away we go! Don't worry about it!

I guess that's perhaps a little dangerous? But it does mean that you worry far less, and you enjoy far more!

What's the worse thing that could happen?

Having watched the video in the last post, I was pondering on the possibility of using the very same principle for other decisions you may need to make.

Whenever I've considered doing something that involves some element of fear, I've always asked the question, "If I go for it, what is the worse thing that could happen?"

Let's look at that in more detail.

The scenarios I'm referring to are those of a "shall I, or shan't I" nature. Should I stay or should I go? Should I jump, or should I not? Should I take a risk, or should I not?

If we look at a worse case and best case for each of the choices, quite often it's so much easier to make the decision.

Let's look at a career decision for example:

Should I leave the job I'm in? Or should I stay and go for the promotion?

It may be, that when you apply the worse case and best case scenarios, you come up with the following statements:

1. If I leave my job, the best thing that could happen is that I find another job which brings me far more fulfillment than my existing job.

2. If I leave my job, the worse thing that could happen is that I can't possibly find another job of any description whatsoever.

3. If I stay in this job, the best thing that could happen is that I get a promotion and receive more money, and more responsibility.

4. If I stay in my job, the worse thing that could happen is that nothing changes at all.

Now obviously your decision will be guided by your motive for asking the question in the first place. If for example you are asking the question because you can no longer stand working in a job that no longer fulfills you; then the possibility of statement 1, would be very appealing - against the risk of statement 2.

You may also realise that even if the best thing that could happen if you stayed in the job - did happen - then you still wouldn't be happy!

You can then look at the risk of leaving, to see if you can reduce it at all, and you may find for example that you can make a statement such as:

"I will be able to find work of some description. I got this job didn't I? Even if I have to clean toilets for a little while, I'll be able to do something to bring some money in."

If you are then satisfied that you could live with that particular worse case scenario, and you're happy that it's worth the risk... Then - you have a decision. You quit your job and go! The chances are that the worse thing that could happen - won't happen anyway - but at least you made the decision that you were happy to gamble with that potential outcome.

Most Terrifying Video You'll Ever See

Beating yourself up with words

To start this chapter off, I have a confession to make. There's one word that many of us use time and time again, for which I have developed a passionate dislike...

Throughout a large part of my life I have battled with depression and mental "ill health". But with the help of a wonderful psychotherapist, and extremely supportive friends and family, I am thankfully in a completely different place emotionally these days. It has been a long journey, and I'm sure I have still further to travel, however there are many tips and techniques that I have developed in order to lead a happy and fulfilled life, and turn my "emotional blues" into a puddle on the ground, which I can jump in with my wellies on and laugh at!

One major step on my journey, which helped me to leap un unbelievable distance towards the doorway out of depression, was the raised awareness to the power of my own words and the impact they were having on my own mental wellbeing. I used one word in particular on a frequent basis, completely oblivious to the fact that by using this word I was continuously beating myself up, and limiting my own growth. That word, which I now detest so much, and question everytime I hear it cropping up is "should".

There were so many scenarios in which I would say to myself "you should do this" or "you should do that" or "you should feel like this" or "you should feel like that". By continuously using the word should in these scenarios I was forever punishing myself like a naughty little girl, and asking the question "why don't I do this?", "why don't I feel like that?", "What's wrong me!", "I'm no good!" etc etc .... get the picture?

Now, I often come across people who are suffering from the "should syndrome"... Are you one of them? I challenge you to take the "should challenge". Each time you hear yourself using the word "should" on yourself or towards anyone else, stop, and ask yourself "Where does this should come from?". "Who exactly said that I should do this, or feel this way?". "What do they know about what I should do or feel?"...

Then - and this is the great part - ask yourself "What do I want to do?" or "How do I want to feel?". In many cases you will likely discover - that if you simply replace the word "should" with the word "want" - it casts a whole new light on the subject and fuels you with the determination and motivation you need. After all, we'd all much rather do the things we want to do, than do the things we think we should do!

One example:

You're having difficulty coping with a particular experience which has left you feeling down. You may find yourself saying "I should be stronger!". All that will really do is make you feel completely pooh, by making you feel as though don't live up to expectations - be it your expectations or those of other people.

Turn that expression around slightly though - and say "I want to be stronger" - and hey presto - you may feel motivated to gather some strength from somewhere within yourself, and feel empowered to be the strong person you want to be.

If you have any "should" experiences to contribute - then I'd love to hear from you. But only if you want to of course :-)

Moving Towards Balance

This year I discovered Yoga! I'm sure I'm not alone. Yoga has been trickling through the homes and streets of western society like a glorious liquid gold released from its melting pot, for many years now.

I bought a fantastic book which takes you through an eight week yoga home study course, and it is just magic! It is written by Rodney Yee and ladies, girls or gay men - you have to buy this book, if not just to admire this beautiful specimen of the male species! That's not to say that heterosexual men wouldn't enjoy yoga by the way. My other half is into it as much as me, and I'm sure Rodney is not gay either...

Aside from Rodney's luring looks and physique the name of the book made the purchase a complete must for me. It's called "Moving Towards Balance".

This eight week yoga home study course, methodically breaks the multitude of yoga postures into different elements, which culminate to developing a balanced body, mind and soul.

Given my life mantra “It’s all about balance”, I guess you ought to be able to imagine just how excited I was by the title and description of this book! So - I bought it, and there started my sometimes ceremonious, sometimes sporadic, and sometimes forgotten and non existent - journey into Yoga!

Click on the link below for more information on the book...

It's all about balance!

When I was in my early twenties, myself and a good friend were having a debate about some thing or an other. I can't actually remember what it was about at all now.. but thankfully that's irrelevant. The important thing is; after debating who was right and who was wrong we reached a point where we both agreed that neither of us were right, or in fact both of us were right. After expressing our own views, AND understanding the other's view we reached a point when we both chanted simultaneously "It's all about balance!".

Since that day, we have found a zillion and one circumstances which prompted us to repeat the mantra "It's all about balance". The situations vary from; too much work or not enough, too much socialising or being a hermit, through to areas such as mood swings, emotions, love and a balanced diet. We basically came to the conclusion - that everything is about balance! Finding balance has become our life long goal. With balance we believe comes contentment and happiness.

Is that a revelation? Probably not! It's not a far cry from the old saying "everything in moderation" that my parents' generation, grandparents' generation, and no doubt the generation before that have been telling us.. BUT - my friend and I were and still are - very excited by our life mantra!

What if we all had big boobs?

I was inspired to write this post after watching Louis Theroux - Under the knife on TV last night.

Louis was in California interviewing plastic surgeons and their patients - who were going under the knife for larger breasts, different shaped noses, less fat, more muscle, higher eyebrows or a completely different face and body.

My other half was watching the programme with me, and very quickly we entered into a discussion about big boobs! I was thrown into a state of turmoil when he commented on how a woman with big, perk, boobs was something all men dream of!!! As I looked down at my less well endowed chest with pouted lips and a scrunched up sulky face - he sooned realised he had said the wrong thing!!!

In an eager attempt to dig himself out of the hole he had accidently landed himself in, he explained that he doesn't understand why it is that men fantasise about big boobs, but the fact is they do. Of course, he completely loves and appreciates me and my body etc etc...

It occurred to me, that actually, he is probably right! It is true that many men value other qualities within in a woman, and indeed some men like the smaller more sporty type boobs... but whatever it is in a woman that a man really truly appreciates and loves, the minute he sees a woman with big, pert, boobs - he cannot help but look at them goggle eyed. It's almost as if they have some kind of hypnotic power!!!

Considering the power they seem to bring over men, it's no wonder then that many women want big boobs and are prepared to go to quite extreme lengths to get them.

But how fulfilling can this be in the long term? And I feel sad for these women. Do they not feel that they have any other redeeming qualities? What must it do to a person's inner soul to live with the knowledge that they had to go and pay for something big and fake in order to gain the confidence and approval they were looking for?

I don't understand how it can improve someone's confidence. To me it seems a little like cheating in an exam, and then saying you are confident in the subject just because you have the certificate. The fact that you know nothing about the subject doesn't come into it...

We live in a consumer society, and people today are used to going out and buying whatever they want, under the illusion that it will make them happy. It's worrying that this behaviour has extended to body parts, and that potentially plastic surgery could become as normal, as buying the latest plasma screen TV.

What's more - I cannot see how this can possibly lead to true happiness. Life is NOT perfect, and nor are our bodies. Accepting imperfections and understanding that imperfect is in fact how things should be, and that imperfect is in fact beautiful - is a major key to happiness and contentment, isn't it?

Footsy Love

A trip to the North Norfolk Coast - This is Wells - Next the Sea



Sun setting on the salt marshes between Stifkey and Wells




Footsy Love on Holkham Beach - Life is Beautiful

p.s. The feet to the right are mine. They look slightly more tense than the other pair. I hasten to add that this is purely because I'm straining my stomach muscles to lift only my head and shoulders of the sand in a "sit up" kind of way - in order to take the photo. That's all - honest!

Lemon & Chilli Sea Bass Fillets

Last Saturday, Sunny Suffolk became true to its name, when that golden ball of heat graced us beautifully with its presence for the entire day. With summer fading fast into the distance, there was naturally no alternative but to seize the sunshine while it was here and get the BBQ out.

We’d been lucky enough to pick up a bargain buy at Sainsbury’s that week, when we scooped up 3 sea bass fillets at about a third of the price it usually is. Deciding to make that the base for our meal, we whipped it out of the freezer, and with a quick scan of other ingredients available, we set our alfresco menu for the evening:

Lemon & Chilli Fillet of Sea Bass
With Moroccan Spiced Couscous, Pine Nuts & Char grilled Pepper
Served with tomato salad & a glass of white wine
Prepared by all...

It was a fantastic meal, and I can safely say we all managed to blow our own minds with our food magic. It looked a picture, and I now realise why so many bloggers become addicted to carrying their camera everywhere. Alas – I have no picture of this wonderful dish or of the social alfresco cooking that took place, so please indulge in my descriptions and allow your imagination to create the picture for you.

Ingredients (serves 3)
3 Sea Bass Fillets
1 Lemon
2 pinches of chilli flakes
A dinner plate finely covered with plain flour
Around 150g of couscous
However many pine nuts you fancy
1 healthy tea spoon of “rass el hanout” by “nomads Moroccan spices” (We bought ours at Butterworths in Bury St Edmunds, but on-line they can be found at http://nomades.co.uk/spice_blends.html) If you don’t have this spice mix use one of your favourites – or make one up!
1 orange pepper
Loads of home grown perfectly ripe tomatoes
4 small home grown spring onions
Half a small red chilli
Some cucumber
1 hand full of leaves (rocket, watercress, baby beetroot)
Olive oil
Balsamic vinegar
Salt and pepper
3 people!


Indoor Preparation

1. Boil the kettle, pour the couscous into a bowl, stir the teaspoon of spice into the dry couscous.

2. Pour boiling water over the couscous, until there is getting on for an inch of water above the couscous, then cover with foil

3. Pour the pine nuts into a frying pan (no oil). Heat the pan, shaking it every now and again to keep the nuts moving. Continue until nuts a toasted brown. Puts the nuts to one side and gather the remaining ingredients together

4. Take all the ingredients outside (including the covered couscous). Also take a knife and a chopping board.



Alfresco & Social Cooking

1. By the time you have everything outside, the couscous should be cooked (all of the water should be absorbed). Uncover the couscous, and stir it with a fork making it light and fluffy (woops forgot to bring a fork out - nip back in to get it). Add the pine nuts, a squeeze of lemon and a drizzle of olive oil, plus some salt and pepper – and stir

2. Pour the 2 guests a glass of wine, sit & chat, and get the chopping board out onto your lap. Chop the pepper into 4 pieces and ask one of the others to plop them onto the BBQ (the pepper then becomes their responsibility)

3. Ask the other guest to rub a little olive oil onto the skin side of the sea bass, and then finely coat the skin in plain flour. Then they need to squeeze lemon all over the flesh side of the bass, then sprinkle chilli flakes

4. While the others are taking care of their duties, you start chopping and deseeding the tomatoes, chop some spring onions, chilli and garlic, and some cucumber if you like. Chuck it all in a bowl with some salad leaves. Drizzle over some olive oil – a splash of balsamic vinegar, some salt & pepper – tomato salad – DONE!

6. Once the peppers are soft and partly cooked – have them passed to your chopping board – chop them up – throw them into the couscous – stir – Couscous DONE!

7. All that’s left now is for the sea bass to be BBQ. Have the most BBQ confident guest place them on the BBQ skin side down. They should cook completely through the entire fish without turning, and the skin should be nice and crispy. Sea bass – DONE!

Funky Food

At the beginning of 2007 we (Paul & I) decided to go on a diet. No, I lie! We decided to change the way we eat for good! Up until that point, I wasn’t really much of a cook, and despite efforts in eating a balanced diet, we were both putting on weight. When we read the Food Doctor Diet book, everything made absolute sense and we decided to give it a go. There lay a turning point in our lives.

Through following the Food Doctor Diet Paul lost 3 stone in weight and I lost enough weight to fit comfortably back into those clothes which were getting just a little too tight. No diet had worked so well for either of us before. In fact neither of us had managed to find a diet that worked for us at all until then. You could call it a success! But actually it was a double success. Through the Food Doctor Diet, not only did we learn how to stay slim(ish) on a long-term basis, but we also gained immense knowledge on how to eat a balanced diet. Great! But better still – I’ve unleashed the cook in me, and a vibrant world of cooking and food has landed on my plate.



I believe that preparing a meal is one of the nicest things you could possibly do for yourself. The key to happiness has to be in taking pleasure from the basic human needs. Food is your fuel for everything. The health of your body and your mind depends on what you put in. Food has therefore started to become a bit of a religion in our house, and cooking has become a celebratory ceremony.

We have always enjoyed eating with friends, but as cooking has become such a major part of our lives, we want to share that with our friends too. And so, usually if anyone joins us for food, they can expect to be in the kitchen, sleeves rolled up, drinking wine, and preparing the food with us… Tee-hee – at least that way every one shares the responsibility for how it turns out. Certainly takes the pressure of being a host!

Hot and Expensive!

hmmm... When we pull this switch in our flat, the water for the shower heats up. If we leave the switch on, the water gets very very hot, and our electricity bill gets very very high!!!

Usually when I step out of the shower I'm thinking about what I'm going to wear, where I'm going next, or what I'm doing next... The last thing on my mind is that this little dangley cord needs to be pulled. It completely leaves my head as I get on with the day. Until a voice booms from the bathroom....

"Tina! Have you forgotten anything today?"...

In an attempt to remind me when I actually step out of the shower - my other half has kindly placed this little note...

Insect Love

My other half is a gardener, and keen photographer - particularly of nature. When he came home with this beauty of an image, I felt it was definately worthy of a post. In fact I was so taken with it that it inspired a new chapter in my open book - Life is Beautiful!




Apparently, this is actually the copulation stage of the mating sequence of these quite romantic beings. Many species of dragonflies go through a whole courting process, whereby they grasp and clasp at each other, and fly around in tandem to find a suitable resting place before the female invites the male into this heartshape position, known as the wheel position.

For more information about the complex mating process of dragonflies follow this link
http://www.geocities.com/brisbane_dragons/Mating.htm

Things like this make me wonder how many other lovers there are right under our noses, and how many things are happening without us even realising as we go about our hectic daily lives. I might just keep my eye out for more beauties to share....

I'm not a criminal, I'm just scatty!!!

Okay - I admit it, I AM SCATTY! BUT only sometimes and only in certain areas of my life.. My excuse or reasoning is, that I spend all of my focused and organised energy on running my wee business (that's wee as in small - not wee as in that of the toilet kind)..

I often have little scatty happenings in my life, and they are usually in connection with leaving personal objects in various places, or forgetting to do something related to domestic duties...

This week however I had the most embarrassing scatty moment I can remember having for a long time.

It all started really well. I was off to visit a potential client in one area of the outskirts of town, and then I was going to meet someone else at Starbucks in town. Now - I don't usually carry much cash, and often get caught out when I roll up in town only to remember that I don't have any cash for the car park. So, as I needed petrol and I was very much in control of life that day, I planned ahead and thought - okay - "I'll draw £40 cash out of the machine at the garage, put £20.22 petrol in the car, pay cash - and hey presto plenty of change for car parking and coffee".

So there I am in the BP garage. Everything is going to plan, and I hand over my £40 to the cashier. The change is handed to me and as I'm putting it away, I realise that I only have a £5 note and some change... Quick maths in my head - surely I should have £15 and some change?

Look through my purse.. Nope - only a fiver in there
Look through my handbag - Nope - no tenner laying around in there
Look around the floor and the cashier desk - Nope - no tenner there either



"I'm sorry, I think you've only given me change for £30 and I gave you £40." I politely convey to the cashier.

Cashier looks very confused, and mutters something about having to cash the till up to check. She doesn't know how to do this, so she calls for help. Queue is building up behind me.

New cashier says, "I'm sorry, but the till says we're not short of £10, so we must have given you the correct change."

"But, I only have a £5 note in my purse, there's nothing in my bag. Look!"

"Well, the till's right so you must have the right change!" said the cashier with a suspicious look on his face.

"Well, how much did she ring in?" I ask. "If she only rang £30 in then your till will be right, but I swear on my life that I gave her £40".

The cashier asks me which pump I used and how much I spent, and then scans his eyes over the till roll and shakes his head. "She rang in £40! I'm sorry but I can't help you, the till says we're right."

At this point I'm starting to get frustrated and also confused! Where the heck was this mysterious ten pound note?

"Well, I'm sorry" I add as nicely and as sweetly as possible, "but I'm not leaving until I get my £10. As you can see I don't have a ten pound note on me. Your till says that you gave me the correct change, but I obviously don't have it!"

The cashier sighs and tells me to wait there. He disappears out the back. I stand there with a queue behind me which is now almost out of the door and full of impatient people.

While the cashier is gone, I'm still really confused, and look again through my purse, through my bag, on the floor, around the cashier desk, and then my eyes fall down to the fruit pastels - and there it was! My TEN POUND NOTE! Hooray!!! I pick it up and wave it around..

"Here it is! I've found it! It was among the fruit pastels! Just down there!"

"She's found it!" calls the man behind me in the queue.

Then a chain of "She's found it!" links from person to person, until it finally reaches the cashier as he returns to the kiosk.

"I found it! It was down there, in with the fruit pastels!" I smile. "I'm really sorry about that!" I add embarrassingly.

"Yeeess!" he replies, with a knowing look on his face. "Because I also just looked on the CCTV and it shows you receiving the £10 pound!".

"I know, I'm really sorry!" I grovel, "It must have slipped out of my hand!".

"Hmmm!", he replies, with a look of contempt and an expression which quite clearly says - "You can't pull the wool over my eyes, I know you were trying it on!"

I scurry out of the BP garage feeling really ashamed. Yes I admit it - I am on occasion scatty - I am human - BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME A CRIMINAL!!! Does it??

Why am I doing this? Reason number 3!

Finding topics to write about is one thing. Finding topics to write about which other people also want to read about - is another thing. But THEN - communicating it in a way that is:

a. understandable
b. concise
c. grammatically correct
d. amusing and informative

is a completely separate challenge!

Maybe its one of those things where you either have it or you don't. Or perhaps it's something you can learn and develop? But, apparently, if you want to become a good writer, you need to practice regularly - which brings me to reason number 3 for starting this blog.

Reason 3 for starting this blog: To practice writing and see if I can do it or not!!

Why Am I Doing This? Reason Number 2!

So, let's for the time being imagine that I find my way through the maze of topics, and I reach the centre to find the ultimate treasure chest of an idea! THAT subject that I am absolutely passionate about to the point of obsession. THAT subject that I just can't wait to get out of bed to write about! THAT subject that just flows from my finger tips, through the web of the world, into the minds of those people who are looking for exactly THAT subject! Wow - wouldn't that be great? But hold on a minute. Just because I find the topic I want to focus on - who's to say anyone else out there in the entire world is going to be interested? Which brings me to my second reason for writing this blog.

Reason 2 for starting this blog: To try to establish whether whatever it is that I want to write about, is what anyone else out there wants to read about.

I hope that somewhere within this blog, I hit on a topic that really interests you, or that you enjoy. Please do let me know if this is the case - that way - I can try to give you more!!!

Why Am I Doing This? Reason Number 1!

From what I can gather, people blog for numerous different reasons. The following is a list of the main 7 reasons I can think of off the top of my head!

1. As a creative outlet
2. To get a better sense of the world, a place and/or themselves
3. Because it's addictive, and they started - so they have no choice but to carry on
4. For business purposes
5. To fuel an alter ego, or live an imaginery identity
6. To share information, knowledge and views with a wider audience
7. To find a network of like minded people

Before I start to attempt to add to this blog on a regular basis, and deliver what I hope will be some kind of meaningful reading for someone out there, I thought I'd try to make it clear to both readers and myself, just why I'm doing it in the first place.

Aside from my day job (publishing a community magazine), I hold a burning desire to try to develop my writing, to what I hope will one day, capture people's imaginations and minds, grab them by the goolies, make them sit up straight and think with eyes wide open - then take them back to a place of calm and greater wisdom!!! Well - maybe that's a bit dramatic - but you get the picture.

I think I have a long, long journey ahead of me. Firstly - I really don't know what I want to write about.... "Great!" I hear you thinking.. "This is going to be interesting!". But by that - I don't mean that I don't have anything to write about, what I mean is that, there are so many topics out there that interest me, that I can't for the life of me decide which one to devote my energy to. Which brings me to my first reason for starting this blog:

Reason 1 for starting this blog: To explore my areas of interest and see which one I like writing about the most!

I hope that through my explorations and contemplations you find something in there for you!! And if you have any other thoughts on why people like to blog - please feel free to share...